The Mushroom Girl

The “Old Woman” sent another letter. The envelope was again marked with esoteric runes that few outside the society would recognize. This woman is unknown to me and my colleagues. I find myself unreasonably disquieted by these letters, as if my subconscious is detecting a dangerous subtext I can’t put my finger on.

—————

Dear Mr. Mahoney,

After telling my granddaughter how I was discovered as an infant, in a hive of violent bees, she mulled the story for a day and asked the inevitable question.

Had she herself been found under remarkable circumstances?

My granddaughter’s name is Lil. She is a precocious seven-year-old with short black hair, black eyes, and a mouth I can only describe as candied. Her lips have the pink, thick fullness of fresh bubblegum. Her teeth are like Chiclets. She speaks with a slight lisp, as if she can’t help licking her own delicious words.

Continue reading The Mushroom Girl

The Equinox Society Report

Today is the equinox. Night and day are equal, like your shadow and your self.

equinox societyTo commemorate, we present a new monthly email—THE EQUINOX SOCIETY REPORT—collecting the stories and art featured here, along with exclusive content no one else receives. You’ll be the first to know when our podcast, GHOSTLOVE, is available later this year.

Also: a gift.

Subscribe and you’ll receive a special 12-page PDF of original writing, photos, grievous Latin quotations, secrets, warnings, and a printable LOST FRIEND sign.

Please join us and get your PDF:

Email Address:

I Am Haunted By…

Results from the “I Am Haunted By…” questionnaire have been compiled, dear strangers. Thanks to everyone who answered.

Of the NIGHT VOICES haunting people:

46% were male voices
31% were unknown
23% were female voices

Of the EROTIC FATA MORGANA haunting people:

86% were melancholic
14% were violent

Of the GHOSTS haunting people:

75% were real
25% were delusional

Of the PREOCCUPATION WITH THE DREAMLIKE QUALITY OF LIFE:

56% considered it positive
44% considered it negative

Of the IRREPARABLE MISTAKES:

52% learned from their mistakes
48% did not

By a broad margin, the most common COLOR OF ONE’S CHILDHOOD TRAUMA was red. Other colors included indigo, hunter green, orange, cobalt blue, and, in one case, a spectrum.

We received many answers to the PECULIAR URGES AND EMOTIONS we’re unwilling to admit. Here are some of the answers:

“I want to watch people cry at a funeral.”

“I am afraid everyone will leave me.”

“She is the love of my life. I am not the love of hers.”

“The feeling when you look into the mirror and wonder am I even real”

“Paralyzing nostalgia”

“Animalistic desires to eat, kill, fuck”

“Worthlessness”

“Intrusive thoughts”

“I don’t particularly want to be part of this world, but have so many loved ones that feel the same way I feel, like we’re all here to keep the others from leaving, too.”

“Suicide”

IMPORTANT NOTE: We’re a group who often explores dark and painful subject matter. We’re honored you’ve shared these answers with us. If any of you are in serious need of help, we are not qualified in that regard. But help exists, and we encourage you to seek it from friends, loved ones, or compassionate professionals. Please take care of yourselves. We like you.

Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255

Common Demons, Common Lights

My Dear Strangers,

We have common demons, common lights.

I have loneliness, bafflement, doubt. Ghosts come and go. Bodies come and go. Days I’m hexed, nights I’m bewitched. I believe in unreasonable things. I’ve found the weirdest depths in other people, and sometimes in myself.

I hear from many of you, sometimes distantly, sometimes closely. Ouija-like. Fingers on a shared planchette.

This week I saw an Equinox sticker on a bumper, next to the sticker of a band that’s spoken to me for years. I received your email and snail mail. I had odd dreams and some of you were in them.

If feel I know you. Do I know you?

I heard from a stranger who wondered: If I’m really so lonely and haunted, why don’t I talk to her more? Can I tell her I have loneliness even in society? That I have work that’s saved me from depression, day after day, and that I’m terrified at times of unbalancing my balance? That I value her contact but, given the clamp of time, I cannot offer more than what I offer already?

I have loved ones. I have the Equinox Society. But what am I in all of this, and what am I to you?

A signal in the dark, maybe found, maybe not. I share art, thoughts, and stories from my friends—William, Claire, Amanda, Hank, and others—in the hope that we (including you, dear strangers) might find something rare and marvelous in common and discover that we’re not such strangers after all.

Yours,

Dennis
Equinox Society Secretary