The Girl with the Polkadot Arm

Dennis!

Thanks for forwarding William’s answer to my “fingers sprouting from my arm” situation. I loved his idea of chopping the fingers off and healing the wounds with skinwort, especially b/c I had a Tinder date coming up on Friday night, and a dozen extra pinkies probably doesn’t make the average guy’s fetish list. The chopping fix was nice and quick.

But yeah no. Even with St. Madelia’s spirits to dull the pain, the fingers had roots. Like deep-set bones and tendons and stuff. Pruning shears wouldn’t have worked. I’d have really had to gouge the finger-roots out.

So I grabbed a vial out of a biology starter kit I ordered last week (coincidence or omg fate!?), transmogrified the specimens with a hybrid curse and my own special medley of herbs and spices, and wha-la: I had a Petri dish full of necrotizing amoebas.

I mixed the amoebas into Vaseline and smeared them onto the extra fingers. They devoured the pinkies down to the roots in less than six hours. THEN I used skinwort to heal the wounds. I’ll have a dozen oval scars but it’s actually kind of neat: I’m the girl with the polkadot arm.

Please tell William thanks for his suggestion, though, and I’d love to borrow that book he offered to loan me.

Thanks!!

xoxo
Amanda

P.S. That’s sad his love life is sad. Do get him up and running on email. I’ll cheer him up Amanda-style.

Read the full exchange here.